man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
