A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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