happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
