You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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