okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
