I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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