hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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