brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
