i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
