it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
