those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
