I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
