Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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