She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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