I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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