Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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