Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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