Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
