my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
