I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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