I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
