They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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