I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
