i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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