She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
