Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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