called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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