Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
