Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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