forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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