There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
