Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
