shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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