Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize