Do you still have your period?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
