Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
