we're blogging at a bar
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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