remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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