so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
