I never want to see another naked old woman again.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
