I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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