Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize