just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
