If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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