I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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