let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
