i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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