NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize