i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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