We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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