so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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