You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
