She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
