i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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