I could make wine with my vomit
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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