so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
