I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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