Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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