i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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