You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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