uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize