his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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